
I was reminiscing on Shelby-- back in the day
I was pretty messed up I'd have to say
All the things I did for selfish gain
And the choices I made that brought so much pain
The love I gave out all too fast
And the loneliness that followed when the relationships passed
The times when I pushed God off in the distance
Yet cried for His help when I despised my existence
I was a selfish, rebellious, arrogant person
And as each day passed, my actions would worsen
Late nights and fake friends would feed me sweet lies
As they masked the results of my life's compromise
My personal reality was faded and marred
My mind was a prison, my heart was scarred
Everyone's opinion played a role in my choices
I'd look for approval from so many voices
I remember the day when I told God how I felt
How I hated Him for the cards I'd been dealt
I didn't ask for the hurt, I didn't want the tears
I hated that He let me waste so many years
One day in my room, I was at the end of my pain
I was so lost and so hurt with everyone to blame
God was right there, He saw what took place
I felt so much shame, I’d become a disgrace
I was so sick of myself, so sick of dejection
So sick of attempting to render perfection
I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t strong, I never would be
The world would revolve just fine without me
It’s a scary place when you’re life is so vacant
Everything builds up ‘til you can’t even take it
You get so tired of trying to figure life out
And so desperate for things to just turn around
The wounds that I bore were not ones you could see
I thought the only one who knew of this pain was me
And then, Christ stepped in...
Now I like to say I’m the new Shelby Lynn
I trust you can see the change from within
I’m serving my God, leading praises on Sunday
And praying for strength to show His love Monday
My life is now worship to my Heavenly Father
If it doesn’t please Him, I don’t even bother
The music I listened to has been thrown out
The movies I watched I can do without
The company I kept is no longer there
As God has become more vital than air
The thoughts that I had have been driven out
God replaces the heartaches, the fear, and the doubt
He fills me with joy, His love, and His peace
The dark thoughts I once had have finally ceased
The hurt that I’d gathered, He mended the wounds
Regrets that I’d had, He cured those too
The love that before I’d freely given away
Now belongs to Him until my wedding day
My heart is much safer now placed in His hands
My mind doesn’t fret over my future plans
The Lord has my life mapped out ‘till the end
I need no approval from my family or friends
I know who I am, I know where I stand
And if I should fall, I know where I’ll land
My life has a purpose, my future is bright
My once blinded eyes have been given new sight
Every day He reveals to me more of His love
He’s become an addiction that I’m so proud of
I won’t be ashamed of the past that is mine
Some wounds are still healing, He’ll fix them in time
I like Paul’s words--God has brought me to this place
Where I no longer feel shame all due to His grace--
First Corinthians fifteen and down to verse ten
“But by the grace of my God I am what I am”
Written 2.12.12
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