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Glancing Back

Updated: Sep 6, 2019

I was reminiscing on Shelby-- back in the day

I was pretty messed up I'd have to say

All the things I did for selfish gain

And the choices I made that brought so much pain

The love I gave out all too fast

And the loneliness that followed when the relationships passed

The times when I pushed God off in the distance

Yet cried for His help when I despised my existence

I was a selfish, rebellious, arrogant person

And as each day passed, my actions would worsen

Late nights and fake friends would feed me sweet lies

As they masked the results of my life's compromise

My personal reality was faded and marred

My mind was a prison, my heart was scarred

Everyone's opinion played a role in my choices

I'd look for approval from so many voices

I remember the day when I told God how I felt

How I hated Him for the cards I'd been dealt

I didn't ask for the hurt, I didn't want the tears

I hated that He let me waste so many years

One day in my room, I was at the end of my pain

I was so lost and so hurt with everyone to blame

God was right there, He saw what took place

I felt so much shame, I’d become a disgrace

I was so sick of myself, so sick of dejection

So sick of attempting to render perfection

I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t strong, I never would be

The world would revolve just fine without me

It’s a scary place when you’re life is so vacant

Everything builds up ‘til you can’t even take it

You get so tired of trying to figure life out

And so desperate for things to just turn around

The wounds that I bore were not ones you could see

I thought the only one who knew of this pain was me

And then, Christ stepped in...

Now I like to say I’m the new Shelby Lynn

I trust you can see the change from within

I’m serving my God, leading praises on Sunday

And praying for strength to show His love Monday

My life is now worship to my Heavenly Father

If it doesn’t please Him, I don’t even bother

The music I listened to has been thrown out

The movies I watched I can do without

The company I kept is no longer there

As God has become more vital than air

The thoughts that I had have been driven out

God replaces the heartaches, the fear, and the doubt

He fills me with joy, His love, and His peace

The dark thoughts I once had have finally ceased

The hurt that I’d gathered, He mended the wounds

Regrets that I’d had, He cured those too

The love that before I’d freely given away

Now belongs to Him until my wedding day

My heart is much safer now placed in His hands

My mind doesn’t fret over my future plans

The Lord has my life mapped out ‘till the end

I need no approval from my family or friends

I know who I am, I know where I stand

And if I should fall, I know where I’ll land

My life has a purpose, my future is bright

My once blinded eyes have been given new sight

Every day He reveals to me more of His love

He’s become an addiction that I’m so proud of

I won’t be ashamed of the past that is mine

Some wounds are still healing, He’ll fix them in time

I like Paul’s words--God has brought me to this place

Where I no longer feel shame all due to His grace--

First Corinthians fifteen and down to verse ten

“But by the grace of my God I am what I am”

Written 2.12.12

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